btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
