I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
