I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
