i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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