i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
