that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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