She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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