Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
