I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
