Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
