I heard we made out
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
