I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
