After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
