So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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