So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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