drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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