yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
