I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's blow job season.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
