Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
