At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so let's talk penis.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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