remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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