The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
