I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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