I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
