It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
MIDGETS
????
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
