If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
