she looked like the before picture.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My bed smells like the plague
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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