I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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