I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
