does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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