So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
