Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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