Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
