Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
