Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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