Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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