It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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