Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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