boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
