My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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