she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
