the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
