i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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