you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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