my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
