I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
