I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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