I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
