he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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