he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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