In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
