I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
