hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
