I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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