I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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