Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
