But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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