oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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