More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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