Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
