did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
