oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
