PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
