Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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