Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
