butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize