Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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