no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
