I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
