Little spoons don't ask big questions
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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