omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
