Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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