If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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