hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
