I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
